Archive for March, 2010

Better than fiction…

March 26th, 2010

Why bother about fiction when you can read the reports from the Spanish referees? Surely this is some of the best comedy writing there is? Take the report on the Federation ( page from Sr. Antonio Rubinos Pérez, who was in charge of the game between Sporting Gijón and Deportivo La Coruña on Tuesday. Sr. Rubinos had already sent off Depor keeper Aranzubia early on, and now he gives a penalty to Sporting with three minutes to go, sending off Lopo to leave his team with nine men. Rubinos states: “Mr Lopo told me two or three times, “hijo de p*** (son of a bitch), you are really bad”. Then he sends off coach Lotina “for protesting and gesticulating”, and his assistant coach Ribera for saying “now we only need that you drop your trousers and we’ll give it to you up the bum!” Finally he reports someone who he doesn’t know, but who turns out to be the goalkeeping coach for telling him ten times “eres un sinvergúenza” (you have no shame – this is a big insult but loses something on the translation). He isn’t registered with the Federation though, so he can’t be suspended! Jeffrey Archer, nada! More »

Should Spanish referees be put to death?

March 17th, 2010

Spanish referees, are they good or bad? Whatever, if they make a mistake here in Spain they can be put in the “nevera” (fridge) for a couple of weeks before being allowed out again. Freezes your brass monkeys off as they say in the Cockneys, but that’s it. So how lucky are they compared to their colleagues say in China? We read in the papers this week that Chinese referees have been called to meetings to “confess their sins in exchange for lighter sentences”, but that the most famous Lu Jun is facing a death penalty for taking a bribe! (How does that work, you have to go in goal and the Chinese Cristiano Ronaldo shoots a cannonball at your head?!?). Imagine that in Spain! Make up your own scenarios!!! More »

Barcelona in white!

March 9th, 2010

Shock-horror at the Nou Camp yesterday! Coming back from their Monday siesta, the club’s players and officials had the fright of their lives. The playing field, the stands, the roof, everything was coloured white! Everybody knows that that is the colour of the hated enemy Real Madrid, and a true “Culé” dislikes white so much that they refuse to wear it even in his underpants! What had happened? Had a crack team of Merengue Ultras sneaked in with buckets of paint while they were sleeping to sabotage the ground? In the end though it was all made clear – it had snowed in Barcelona for the first time in many years! Straight away club president Joan Laporta used his direct line to God to ask him to turn the heating up, and the next day it was gone!

Hoddle and Waddle

March 1st, 2010

Goran and I were talking about the crisis this week, and we decided that the bad weather in Spain right now is caused by all the clouds and cold feelings coming out of the heads of so many depressed peoples. So we thought we’d tell you the joke we promised to tell you a few weeks ago to cheer you up! It all happens in the future when the famous English football pairing of Hoddle and Waddle are even older than they are now. Hoddle has been given a knight-cap by King William the conker-player (Charles has been overpassed as he was too old when his mother finally passed the ball), and is now Sir Glen, and Waddle is his faithful butler. More »