Archive for December, 2012

Home at last!

December 31st, 2012

Hello everyone, it’s me, Borja Pantzov, here with my intrepid sidekick Goran Arsic! We’re sure you were all wondering why our reports from Ukraine suddenly stopped in the middle of the last summer’s Euro finals, just as it was getting interesting! Truth is our money ran out, and we were caught trying to sneak out of our motel near Lviv en-route to Donetsk for the quarter finals. It turns out that the motel is owned by an in-famous gangster called Al Kazeltza, and he tells us that we must work off our bills or end up as Chicken Kiev in one of his restaurants! With interest at 1,000% that means it will take six months to do so, so Goran takes a job in the bar and I am told to work for room service, which means taking meals up to guests and also cleaning shoes which are left out at night. Anyway, two days before we are finally due to pay off our debt Mr. Kazeltza is staying there, but when I go to pick up his brand new shoes from outside of his room I am horrified to see that the house cat has ruined them! When the boss finds out he is livid (or lvivid as they say in this part of Ukrainia), and his bodyguard Ivor Kaleshnikov tells me that I have 24 hours to find the culprit, or it’s another six months of hard labour! Goran sets a trap for the moggy though, and the following evening I knock on the boss’s door with the animal in tow. “Well?” he asks, “are yuh gonna sing me a song?” “Yeah”, I say, “…pardon me Al, is this the cat who chewed yer new shoes……”