Oh no, what has just happened! This must be a nightmare, pinch me Goran and I will wake up! Ouch, on the arm I meant! So it’s real then! We lost to Switzerland! Throw away all the jokes we had about the Swiss defence being like their cheese, full of holes, they stopped us from scoring for the first time since Crown Prince Vicente took over from King Luis two years ago! OK, so 23 shots at goal and they had three, the English referee Howard (“Heidi?”) Webb (perfidious albion!) doesn’t give a penalty on David Silva and allows the goal when it was offside, Jesús Navas puts in more crosses in half an hour (19 to be precise) than anyone else in all the other 15 games, and Xabi Alonso hits the crossbar so hard that a Tsunami strikes the coast of Madagascar two hours later! But we lost!
So let’s be calm about this, don’t panic. It’s only the first game, and if we win the next two we are still through. If Switzerland beat Chile and we beat Honduras by a goal or two more on Monday, a draw against Chile will even be enough. If Honduras lose all three and everybody beats everybody else, we can still finish top of the group on goal difference. Even if we are second, we could still beat Brazil, especially if they attack and don’t put ten players in defence like Hitzfeld did with Switzerland. We are reigning European champions after all, and we all know that Germany always get to the finals after a bad start. But then we won the European Championship once before in 1964, and in the 1966 World Cup in England we were knocked out at the group stage! Don’t even think about it, this was just a flash in the frying pan, lightning doesn’t strike twice, a poke in the pig is worth two in the George Bush… Dios mio, dios mio, dios mio, what are we going to do?!? It can’t end like this, it just can’t!?!