Back on the blog in Mexico

Hi everybody, we are back on the blog at last, sending this report from the wiffy area in Mexico City airport! But what a long time it has taken us to get away from South Africa, for sure! It would have been a lot easier if Goran had not lost our plane tickets and pretty much everything else we had at the casino in Sun City. I tell him to be careful of that English guy in the white tuxedo, that one asking for his half pint of Castle to be shaken not stirred, but would he listen? Afterwards I say to him “what have you done?”, but he says he didn’t even look like that Shorn Connery, and anyway he must be a hundred years old by now! Sometimes Goran lives on another planet!

Anyway we decide that we have to do it the hard way to get home, a bit like that man on the telly from Monty Python. But have you looked at a map of Africa lately, there are sooo many countries! I won’t go in to the details of our journey as that would take a book, but we have the scars to remind us, especially the ones that Goran has on his – well we won’t go in to that either, but we had to earn some money on the way!

So we are getting on well when we realize that it already August, and Spain are playing a friendly in Mexico on the eleventh. How can we get there? Luckily we are being held hostage by the Polisario Front in Western Sahara at the time, which is, well, a bit to the right of Mexico, so we send our guards to sleep with tales of Spain’s success in the World Cup, and slip out to the airport where Goran’s endeavours have earned us enough money to hop on a plane to Cape Verde. From there Goran persuades a Portuguese airline air-hostess with his charms to let us on a long-haul flight as cleaning staff, and we arrive in Day Efe (as we people in the know call it) just a few hours before kick off.

Getting through customs in Mexico City is a story in itself. We are concerned that Goran’s artificial metal leg (after the lion incident in South Africa) will set off the alarms, but we walk through the hoop and nothing! The guy who is supposed to watching the X-ray is actually watching a local football match on his screen! I just hope that nobody from Ali Kaida is reading this, you could take anything on to an aeroplane from there! Then we come out to customs, and they have like a bingo system – you have to press a button and if it’s green they let you go, and if it’s red it’s a strip search and we’ll see you again we don’t know when! What a funny country this is, but we get through and it’s on our way to the Aztec stadium.

Well, we don’t have to tell you about the match. Whoever arranged this for early August should be lined up against the wall and made to watch replays of Albania versus Azerbaijan, but we are World Champions, so we have to get used to it. Everybody wants to play us now, and the Federation have realized that this is a great way to make money. We just hope our wonderful Soccer-Spain’s budget stretches to all of this!

Anyway to cut a long story short we draw 1-1, with goals by Chicharito Hernández (who plays for Manchester United) and David Silva (who plays for Manchester City)! What a small World this is! Our unbeaten record is intact though, and after a few days seeing sights (and dodging bullets – this is a dangerous place!) in the capital city it’s off to the airport to see if Goran’s air-hostess needs any help. This is Mexico after all, and Montezuma (actually Moctezuma II?) is still taking his revenge – fajitas, chilli con carne, and even the breakfasts here are “piquante” – airlines pay big bonuses for those brave enough to clean the latrines! Todo para la patria y adelante!