Hello everybody, and sorry for being late with our report but we lost our way back from Lisbon. We were not the only ones though, what were our boys playing at? Losing 4-0 to Portugal? Probably our most humiliating defeat since Sir Charlie Drake beat our magnificent armada 5-0 around 400 years or so ago! Alright it was a friendly, just like the game against Argentina, but we can’t keep on losing like this! It’s bad for the image, if nothing else!
Of course we are bidding for the 2018 World Cup together with Portugal, our neighbours and eternal rivals. If they haven’t already got a theme song we can suggest maybe “enemigos para siempre”, sung by internationally famous singing stars from both countries. In Spain we have many, Josep Carreras, Julio Iglesias and his son what’s his name, and the fat lady who did it last time with Freddy the Queen, but we are not so sure about Portugal? We looked up in Wikikity-tickity-pedia but the only name that came up was Bruce Buckley! Who? Doesn’t sound Portuguese to us! Then there was Sabrina who sang in the 2007 Eurovision song contest, but we thought she was Italian and she must be almost 50 by now (years old, not chest size… but then maybe she could be that as well?)! could be a different Sabrina?
Anyway, we will know if we’ve got it in two or three weeks time, but this game didn’t help. Goran and I arrive at Lisbon airport a bit nervous – we haven’t been back here for over 20 years, when Goran threw away a cigarette end in to an old rubbish bin, and whoosh – it started to burn. The next day we saw on the news that the whole town centre had gone up in flames, but it couldn’t have been us, could it? But nobody stops us on the way through, and it’s on to the impressive Da Luz stadium for the match.
This one though is looking like a preview to the Barcelona Real Madrid derby game, with Pepe, Carvalho and Cristiano Ronaldo in the Portuguese team (luckily Madrid wouldn’t let Mourinho be part-time coach, or he’d be there as well), and the eight Barça players in our squad. Of course we have our Real Madrid players too, Casillas, Ramos, Xabi Alonso, Arbeloa, Raúl Albiol, so it was all one big happy family. We start off alright, Iniesta shooting wide and Silva heading past the post when it would be easier to score, but then Ronaldo gives us a fright with a lob over the head of Casillas in to the net. Luckily Nani had the lights out in his brain, and he runs in and gets his head to the ball as it is crossing the line. Offside, and Ronaldo is so cross he takes off his captain’s armband and throws it on to the ground, just like a baby throwing his rattle out of the pram! Pity his poor mother when he was young!
Anyway that was just a warning, but we are still asleep, and before half time Martins scores for Portugal. Del Bosque brings on World Cup players Torres, Cesc and Marchena at half time, surely that will improve things, but no, two minutes later Postiga turns the ball towards the goal and Ramos forgets that we changed ends at half time and scores in his own net! It gets worse, Postiga scores again, and although we have chances, Ramos, Cesc, Cazorla and Llorente, it is Portugal who have the last laugh, with Almeida making it 4-0 on a breakaway at the end!
We leave the ground without saying anything, too embarrassed to admit we are Spanish. Can we really carry on the joint bid after that? But then we think about it, and we did knock them out of the World Cup in the summer, and that was the one that really counted. We burst in to song, “enemigos para siempre…”. This might just catch on!