Why bother about fiction when you can read the reports from the Spanish referees? Surely this is some of the best comedy writing there is? Take the report on the Federation (www.rfef.es/actas) page from Sr. Antonio Rubinos Pérez, who was in charge of the game between Sporting Gijón and Deportivo La Coruña on Tuesday. Sr. Rubinos had already sent off Depor keeper Aranzubia early on, and now he gives a penalty to Sporting with three minutes to go, sending off Lopo to leave his team with nine men. Rubinos states: “Mr Lopo told me two or three times, “hijo de p*** (son of a bitch), you are really bad”. Then he sends off coach Lotina “for protesting and gesticulating”, and his assistant coach Ribera for saying “now we only need that you drop your trousers and we’ll give it to you up the bum!” Finally he reports someone who he doesn’t know, but who turns out to be the goalkeeping coach for telling him ten times “eres un sinvergúenza” (you have no shame – this is a big insult but loses something on the translation). He isn’t registered with the Federation though, so he can’t be suspended! Jeffrey Archer, nada!
You can’t tell the referees they are wrong though – Guardiola said that Clos Gómez and his team lied when they reported him for shouting down the fourth referee’s microphone in week 25 against Almería “you’re giving all the decisions the wrong way round!”, and the disciplinary committee have opened an investigation which could lead to a big ban. Is there a lip-reader in the house? What about the television clip-cloppings? Was the referee’s microphone taped, or did his ear-piece explode like in Mission Impossible? Surely there is some way they can check what he really said?