Campeones, campeones, oe, oe, oe! Or as my new Scottish friend Philip McCuppal (I think that is what he said his name was?) who I have just met says, oh aye, oh aye, oh aye! We are in Sun City celebrating the greatest triumph in the history of Spanish sport, and there have been of few of those, for sure. But surely this is the best ever, the crisis is over and Spain is on the road to recovery, peace has broken out throughout the world, all diseases have been eradicated and the Martians have landed and they are all two metre tall blonde women with big boobies dying for sex with Earthlings (actually I made that last bit up)! But let me talk you through it, I know you have all seen it seventeen times on the tele and you are already fed up of it, but just let me tell you one more time, and then I’ll go away, honest! Read more »

We have just found out that we will have a star on our shirts if we win the World Cup! Michael Caine is famous for saying “not a lot of people know that!â€�, and we are sure that not a lot of people know this either! But in today’s Marca newspaper in Spain they have published pictures of the shirts, and it’s true! Brazil have five stars, Germany three, England one etc., etc. And if we beat Holland today, we will have our first. Another reason that we have to win today! Read more »

How do you get a ticket for a World Cup final? The king of Spain has no problems, he just rings up Mr. Blatter and he gets a ring-side seat, but we don’t have Mr. Blatter’s mobile phone number. Goran tried taking all his clothes off outside of the Spanish team’s headquarters like that Paraguayan model Larissa Riquelme, but that just cost him a night in a Joberg cell and a restraining order not to go near the team anymore (he also got a couple of strange phone calls from South East Asian businessmen, but we won’t go in to that!). Read more »